I lost my faith at 7: A journey into rediscovering faith.

The Riots

“Poonam, they are killing each other. I think they have swords.”, cried my brother.

We were witnessing mayhem from our apartment.

Mumbai was at the epicenter of 1993 riots between Hindus and Muslims.

I remember my seven year old self standing outside my 1st Floor balcony seeing two groups of people, who looked the same, slaughter each other.

The picture, the bloodshed, the anguish is still as clear as day.

I remember not wanting to watch but feeling like I could not look away

I remember feeling terrified.

I remember thinking what if they came to my building and knocked on our door.

I remember feeling sadness, anger, anxiety, danger all at the same time

“How could God let this happen. Isn’t he supposed to come and stop this?”, I asked myself.

This was also the day I lost faith in God.

On the surface, I still went to temples like a good Hindu girl. I did all the things that my parents asked me to.

But if someone asked me if I was religious, my answer was always – no, not really without expanding on it further.

My academic path and years in engineering further solidified the belief that we are just masses, and there is nothing more to life than science and evolution.

Even as I started my entrepreneurial journey and felt a pull to the Law of Attraction, I did not think much of it. I found a way to tie it back to science and the power of our subconscious.

To me, the energy part did seem a little weird, especially because I did not believe in a higher power, but I turned a blind eye to it.

The Turning Point

But as they say, life somehow finds a way to bring you back to your soul path.

My 2nd child turned out to be extremely colicky – even after taking him to specialists, we could not find a way around his issue.

I often turn to meditation to connect with my intuition and solve problems.

During this time when I started meditating, I started getting nudges that were leading me to learn Reiki.

After multiple such nudges and signs, I decided to take it up as a hobby and it worked wonders for my son.

Reiki may have helped my son, but it healed me at a level deeper than I could have ever imagined.

This is because when I started learning Reiki, I started feeling energy tangibly. And with that my whole perception changed.

Because here I was, an ordinary person doing things that I could never have imagined.

I remember being the person who thought that psychics and mediums were regular human beings with overactive imaginations, that they took seriously.

But yet, here I was feeling energy and heat come out of my hands through drawing symbols in air.
When I touched someone else with intention, they felt the heat from my hands.
I could feel their imbalances when I touched their chakras.
When I put my hands on my head, my headache disappeared.
When I did distance Reiki from my living room, my crying, colicky infant started cooing and going back into deep sleep.

There was no scientific explanation as to how I was now a channel for this divine source energy
When I overthink, this energy slows down, but when I smile and connect to love, the source energy flow increases.
I know this because I feel it.

Because of this reason, I know that whatever this higher power is, it is tied to love.

Perhaps, we are not evolved enough to understand it, but it is there and it exists.

While energy healing is not the only thing that restored my faith in the divine, it is one of the most tangible pieces of evidence that I could find.

How to find faith in a higher power

If you are someone who struggles with this, then try out a Reiki session, especially a distance one. If you are sensitive enough, you will feel the energy and will know exactly what I am talking about.

I also highly recommend the following reads:

How to keep the faith

We can go into a process all hyped when we are introduced to it, but life happens. It is helpful to remember the law of cause and effect. Everything happening to you right now could be a result of your actions or thoughts from the past – perhaps this lifetime or perhaps a previous one. Regardless of what is causing it, I find it helpful to go back to powerful quotes, affirmations, and thought leaders to keep the teachings fresh in my subconscious.

Until next time!

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